Terrible heading for the context.. but if the fish was yours to keep, it would have died before you threw it back in the damn river.
It didnt. It lived. You threw it. Its going to find another fisherman. Probably get hooked.. and someone else is going to do a better job of finishing what was started.
Why bother fishing in the first place? Because I fucking can.. and I fucking love fishing.. and I fucking love fish.. and I'm going to find one I'm going to take home. Till then, bring out the beer, the boots, the music, the bait, the rod and lets go fishing boys!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Business techniques explained by ex Mossad boss. Chapter 01
Underling1 : Boss, our rivals are spreading a bad name about our product and about our company.
Underling2 : Dont, worry about it Boss, no one is going to believe them.
Boss : Don't be so sure underling2, its like when someone spreads the rumor that you sister is a slut. No matter how much you try to explain she's not, there just isn't any proof, and people would like to believe that she is a slut. Once its out there you cant bring it back.
Underling me : So what do we do?
Boss : Does this guy have a sister?
Underling2 : Dont, worry about it Boss, no one is going to believe them.
Boss : Don't be so sure underling2, its like when someone spreads the rumor that you sister is a slut. No matter how much you try to explain she's not, there just isn't any proof, and people would like to believe that she is a slut. Once its out there you cant bring it back.
Underling me : So what do we do?
Boss : Does this guy have a sister?
Courting in laid-man's terms.
I'm sure there are a lot of you boys out there who keep wondering why you get slapped, a glass full of cold water on your face, a kick in the yeehaaw and many other forms of violence, by women after you just have a conversation with them or ask them to your place. Contrary to your belief, this is not a form of foreplay or the girl playing hard to get. Its because she is really not happy with what you have said or what you have done. After facing quite a few of these acts of violence personally, I will now try explaining some of the do's and dont's of wooing.
Never start of a conversation with "Whoa! look at the size of those puppies!" Instead go for a more subtle approach. You can stare as much as you like but when caught go for a" I love that pendant you are wearing" or a more gay but better opportunity providing "is that silk? I love the way silk feels on my skin" See, no slap and better opportunity. Keep reading for more knowledge.
It is very rude to grab. Some of you still feel we belong to the age of the barbarian. As much as we all love that era when we could chose the woman we wanted, knock her out with a club and drag her by the hair, we cant do it anymore. Its called a crime( bloody women in politics).
If you are seated at a crowded bar and a woman comes and stands next to you, offer her your seat. Standing can get them very tired and frustrated. Theres better chance to score if shes not thinking about how much her heels are killing her. Now you can concentrate on getting her drunk.
When confronted with a group always pick one of the lot. Don't be greedy. Chose one, separate her from the rest of the herd and go for the kill. More chances this way.
Here are a couple of lines that will surely make her want to go back with you to your place.
1) I've got the secret, underground manuscript of the Jane Austen novel that was never published.........Do not ask what this means, I have no clue, its just been working so far.
2) For the past two years I have studied foot massages and tantric yoga.
3) Ive got pudding jello shots at home...again please don't ask me what these are and don't ask me what to do when you get to the apartment and there are no pudding jello shots. Its your responsibility to ensure that she is well pickled enough not to care about these details by the time she is there.
4) Ive just moved here and don't know what to do with my furniture. I would really appreciate a lady's touch.... Pay attention to this one. This will help you. All the other lines were lies. This one is a partial lie, so for those of you that have a conscience, this will shut it up. even though you might not have just moved here, you definitely want the second half of the line.
5) I really really respect you.... This one is the toughest and you have to practise keeping a straight face otherwise it doesn't work.
6) I can do this with my tongue for up to four hours.... after saying this just make a couple of weird movement with your tongue... don't ask what its for.. it just works.
Now you are at your place. Once you are here you have already done most of the work and are almost where you want to be. The rest is just various combinations of light settings, music and alcohol.
Some of the things you can do in advance if you are a real player:
Candles,wine, strawberries, Black silk/linen bedsheets, fake/real fur, handcuffs, flavored lube, and an assortment of not-making-you-look-smaller toys.
If you have read this, tried it out and reached the last para( esp the handcuffs) you now owe me a beer.
Never start of a conversation with "Whoa! look at the size of those puppies!" Instead go for a more subtle approach. You can stare as much as you like but when caught go for a" I love that pendant you are wearing" or a more gay but better opportunity providing "is that silk? I love the way silk feels on my skin" See, no slap and better opportunity. Keep reading for more knowledge.
It is very rude to grab. Some of you still feel we belong to the age of the barbarian. As much as we all love that era when we could chose the woman we wanted, knock her out with a club and drag her by the hair, we cant do it anymore. Its called a crime( bloody women in politics).
If you are seated at a crowded bar and a woman comes and stands next to you, offer her your seat. Standing can get them very tired and frustrated. Theres better chance to score if shes not thinking about how much her heels are killing her. Now you can concentrate on getting her drunk.
When confronted with a group always pick one of the lot. Don't be greedy. Chose one, separate her from the rest of the herd and go for the kill. More chances this way.
Here are a couple of lines that will surely make her want to go back with you to your place.
1) I've got the secret, underground manuscript of the Jane Austen novel that was never published.........Do not ask what this means, I have no clue, its just been working so far.
2) For the past two years I have studied foot massages and tantric yoga.
3) Ive got pudding jello shots at home...again please don't ask me what these are and don't ask me what to do when you get to the apartment and there are no pudding jello shots. Its your responsibility to ensure that she is well pickled enough not to care about these details by the time she is there.
4) Ive just moved here and don't know what to do with my furniture. I would really appreciate a lady's touch.... Pay attention to this one. This will help you. All the other lines were lies. This one is a partial lie, so for those of you that have a conscience, this will shut it up. even though you might not have just moved here, you definitely want the second half of the line.
5) I really really respect you.... This one is the toughest and you have to practise keeping a straight face otherwise it doesn't work.
6) I can do this with my tongue for up to four hours.... after saying this just make a couple of weird movement with your tongue... don't ask what its for.. it just works.
Now you are at your place. Once you are here you have already done most of the work and are almost where you want to be. The rest is just various combinations of light settings, music and alcohol.
Some of the things you can do in advance if you are a real player:
Candles,wine, strawberries, Black silk/linen bedsheets, fake/real fur, handcuffs, flavored lube, and an assortment of not-making-you-look-smaller toys.
If you have read this, tried it out and reached the last para( esp the handcuffs) you now owe me a beer.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Your wedding is your funeral
Its bad enough you are getting old. You can't walk around with an 18 year old college girl and tolerate her the whole day unless the sex really really really is worth it. You're probably at that time in your life where you have an asshole of a boss who feels challenged by younger blood and is out to make your life miserable. You are just about getting used to dealing with the issues referred to as quarter life crisis. AND YOU WANT TO WHAT!?? GET MARRIED?
Sure go ahead..Lets just check some things though.
All that money you saved up for that sweet ride you have planned. Lets see if it lasts the honeymoon.
You know anything about psychology, sign language, body language signs, bad hair days, good hair days, clothes that make you look fat, clothes that make you look thin, colors that make you look thin... anything to do with clothes and thin? No? You poor bastard.
Screw all that. Lets just go hang with the boys.. but oh wait, you're not one of the boys anymore. They now refer to you as some woman's bitch and might out of some loyalty toss you a pity beer but will keep a distance in case your onegina is contagious.
Remember how it was to ask your mummy every time you wanted to go out and play? You better rehearse it.
Her father hates you. If you try being nice, he'll hate you and think you're a bum-kisser. But you have to be nice to her mom. But if you do that he's gonna think you're a pervert and you are moving in on 'his' woman next.
Since we are talking about her mother, did you know that the word "mother-in-law" is an anagram for "woman Hitler"?
If she has a cute younger sister, I pity you, you poor sod.
You like your room? Take a photo. Its probably gone before the wedding ceremony is over.
There comes a time every month where a woman is allowed( by law) to kick a man square in his nuts for not closing the coffee jar lid, scream at the top of her voice for a toilet seat being left up, cry hysterically for being asked whether shes in the mood for sex. All this might be over the course of one week, but if you're lucky, might all happen on the same day.
Talking about sex, well there's no point talking about it to you now is there. Stock up on aspirin because her fake headaches lead to your real blueballs.
After all that, If you are still going to go through with it, if you're still planning on standing at the alter, or in front of the fire, or under a mango tree in your backyard, you better have a solid plan. Because she does. Oh yeah. She was planning the day she met you. and the day you told her you loved her, just before she repeated it to you, all she was saying was"gotchya!"
If you haven't checked all these( and the billion others that I just cant be bothered to type), and you think you will just wing it, take it as it comes, piss in the wind and all that. Well, I wish you the very best my friends. You poor bastards.
Sure go ahead..Lets just check some things though.
All that money you saved up for that sweet ride you have planned. Lets see if it lasts the honeymoon.
You know anything about psychology, sign language, body language signs, bad hair days, good hair days, clothes that make you look fat, clothes that make you look thin, colors that make you look thin... anything to do with clothes and thin? No? You poor bastard.
Screw all that. Lets just go hang with the boys.. but oh wait, you're not one of the boys anymore. They now refer to you as some woman's bitch and might out of some loyalty toss you a pity beer but will keep a distance in case your onegina is contagious.
Remember how it was to ask your mummy every time you wanted to go out and play? You better rehearse it.
Her father hates you. If you try being nice, he'll hate you and think you're a bum-kisser. But you have to be nice to her mom. But if you do that he's gonna think you're a pervert and you are moving in on 'his' woman next.
Since we are talking about her mother, did you know that the word "mother-in-law" is an anagram for "woman Hitler"?
If she has a cute younger sister, I pity you, you poor sod.
You like your room? Take a photo. Its probably gone before the wedding ceremony is over.
There comes a time every month where a woman is allowed( by law) to kick a man square in his nuts for not closing the coffee jar lid, scream at the top of her voice for a toilet seat being left up, cry hysterically for being asked whether shes in the mood for sex. All this might be over the course of one week, but if you're lucky, might all happen on the same day.
Talking about sex, well there's no point talking about it to you now is there. Stock up on aspirin because her fake headaches lead to your real blueballs.
After all that, If you are still going to go through with it, if you're still planning on standing at the alter, or in front of the fire, or under a mango tree in your backyard, you better have a solid plan. Because she does. Oh yeah. She was planning the day she met you. and the day you told her you loved her, just before she repeated it to you, all she was saying was"gotchya!"
If you haven't checked all these( and the billion others that I just cant be bothered to type), and you think you will just wing it, take it as it comes, piss in the wind and all that. Well, I wish you the very best my friends. You poor bastards.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wasaaaa...bi!
Sitting at a table with high stools. Staring across at unknown people. Raw fish and their cousins plated and dancing around the table.
Japanese cuisine, in an African restaurant owned by a dutch couple.
An Indian guy talking to a Norwegian about a tattoo depicting Norse mythology.
Geographical chaos, orchestrated to perfection by an unseen master. The perfection goes unnoticed, almost.
Japanese cuisine, in an African restaurant owned by a dutch couple.
An Indian guy talking to a Norwegian about a tattoo depicting Norse mythology.
Geographical chaos, orchestrated to perfection by an unseen master. The perfection goes unnoticed, almost.
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