Your wedding is your funeral

Its bad enough you are getting old. You can't walk around with an 18 year old college girl and tolerate her the whole day unless the sex really really really is worth it. You're probably at that time in your life where you have an asshole of a boss who feels challenged by younger blood and is out to make your life miserable. You are just about getting used to dealing with the issues referred to as quarter life crisis. AND YOU WANT TO WHAT!?? GET MARRIED?
Sure go ahead..Lets just check some things though.

All that money you saved up for that sweet ride you have planned. Lets see if it lasts the honeymoon.

You know anything about psychology, sign language, body language signs, bad hair days, good hair days, clothes that make you look fat, clothes that make you look thin, colors that make you look thin... anything to do with clothes and thin? No? You poor bastard.

Screw all that. Lets just go hang with the boys.. but oh wait, you're not one of the boys anymore. They now refer to you as some woman's bitch and might out of some loyalty toss you a pity beer but will keep a distance in case your onegina is contagious.

Remember how it was to ask your mummy every time you wanted to go out and play? You better rehearse it.

Her father hates you. If you try being nice, he'll hate you and think you're a bum-kisser. But you have to be nice to her mom. But if you do that he's gonna think you're a pervert and you are moving in on 'his' woman next.

Since we are talking about her mother, did you know that the word "mother-in-law" is an anagram for "woman Hitler"?

If she has a cute younger sister, I pity you, you poor sod.

You like your room? Take a photo. Its probably gone before the wedding ceremony is over.

There comes a time every month where a woman is allowed( by law) to kick a man square in his nuts for not closing the coffee jar lid, scream at the top of her voice for a toilet seat being left up, cry hysterically for being asked whether shes in the mood for sex. All this might be over the course of one week, but if you're lucky, might all happen on the same day.

Talking about sex, well there's no point talking about it to you now is there. Stock up on aspirin because her fake headaches lead to your real blueballs.

After all that, If you are still going to go through with it, if you're still planning on standing at the alter, or in front of the fire, or under a mango tree in your backyard, you better have a solid plan. Because she does. Oh yeah. She was planning the day she met you. and the day you told her you loved her, just before she repeated it to you, all she was saying was"gotchya!"

If you haven't checked all these( and the billion others that I just cant be bothered to type), and you think you will just wing it, take it as it comes, piss in the wind and all that. Well, I wish you the very best my friends. You poor bastards.